Most days, it is pretty easy to be in denial about Hattie's heart defect. She is happy and healthy, she is growing well and her oxygen levels look good. As it gets closer to the fall, we celebrate that she will reach her first birthday, but we dread that we'll be handing over our baby to a team of surgeons for her open heart surgery.
We truly believe that God is in control and
we have faith that Hattie will come through surgery just fine. But that said, it is human nature to worry and think about the 'what-ifs.'
I treasure the nights that I put Hattie to bed. As I rock her, she touches my face and slowly falls asleep in my arms. She is (usually!) so peaceful and beautiful. It's those times though that I sometimes feel panic about her surgery. Oddly enough, I feel completely trusting of her surgery team. It is the equipment that worries me. They will have to shut down her heart and a machine will deliver the blood to her body during the surgery. What if the machines malfunction or what if it doesn't get cleaned properly and she gets a blood disease from it? Both are far-fetched, but those thoughts and fears creep into my mind and don't let me sleep some nights.
This is the equipment that will keep her blood circulating during her surgery. There is a lot of equipment there! These pictures are from a website of another little boy that had open heart surgery. I'm thankful that his mom captured so many images of the room, his surgery, his scar, but most of all, his happy, smiling face a few days after the surgery. They help me to feel better prepared.
Most days I can pray and regain my peace of mind. Here are a few psalms that have helped get me through thus far. I'm sure I'll rely on them heavily over the next few months. If you have any other quotes, pictures, psalms, etc that you think may be helpful to us as we mentally prepare for Hattie's surgery, we'd love to see them!
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